Have you ever said to yourself, “I am overwhelmed.”
Or, “I should have done something.”
Both of those statements are a form of “Limiting Beliefs”. They limit us to think, feel, and even act a certain way. We have literally told our brains that this information is true and genuinely believe every word.
I have said both of the above statements multiple times. The first one, I said after having children. Having children is at best controlled chaos in my opinion. The second one, I said that when my dad left this planet. That was a tough one… the hardest one in my life to date. I guess during that time I was both statements, but I got stuck on the “I should have done something”.
I started living life in the “what if” mindset. I was constantly replaying every detail of his last 9 months on this planet over and over in my mind. Did I miss something? Should I have been more aware? How could he have been a ticking time bomb without me knowing? He had a stroke at my house, and when I reached him at the bottom of the stairs, he plummeted down, he was unresponsive and I was calling 911. I was rattling off his med list, vitals, and everything I could physically see. I watched EMS rip my back door off to get the stretcher in the basement. The only hope I had at this point was when I went to the ambulance to say goodbye, I saw his toes move on one side. He was there. There was hope. I went through the motions for 9 months like this; hoping, praying, pleading for progress. There were moments I thought he would be able to tell this story victoriously one day. Then there were days I knew I had to prepare to say goodbye. How could I possibly live without the constant rock in my life? The man who taught me to be the badass I strive to be everyday? He was the definition of a badass boss. He carried three jobs to provide for his family to live comfortably, setting the ultimate example of what a parent should be. I was so proud of him, for what he did; but also for what he was doing. He fought everyday to be here for the last 9 months he would be on this planet. I told him I was ready… I wasn’t, but I told him anyway because I knew he was. He believed in me and knew I would be okay without him here physically. The day I said goodbye, he was gone 24 hours later.
“I should have done something.”
That kept playing in my mind. It was hard to escape that thought after such a major loss. Eventually, with mounds of talking with my therapist; I realized the only way forward was to shift my mindset. I had to change my core belief. Instead, I needed to learn to say, “I did what I could.” I knew that statement to be true. I drilled the doctors with questions everyday, I kept track of what was going on with his meds, and I followed him to every facility making sure he was taken care of. I did what I could do in that moment, in every moment. So, I had to really start believing it.
Time doesn’t heal wounds from a loss that big. People would tell me that, and I knew I couldn’t believe it. I learned to adapt my belief system instead. I learned to love myself throughout the journey. I learned that it is okay to feel all the feels and there is no timeline on grief. I shifted how I live my life to honor him, instead of worrying about what “could have been”. It’s not perfect by any means, but it feels like forward momentum instead of being stagnant in grief. Changing our limiting beliefs is vital to our overall well-being. It impacts our emotional, mental, and physical health. It is okay to adapt to something new. It is okay to forgive yourself and know that you did what you could do.
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