I was under the impression that Anxiety Recovery would be that light at the end of tunnel feeling. The hard part of ditching my prescription medications was over. It felt as if I had discovered a new sense of freedom. Little did I know, it was just beginning.
What a freaking journey this has been. Withdrawal symptoms at their finest and feeling some huge feelings unlike any other situation. It was like seeing color for the first time. After the initial high of being so stinking proud of myself for giving this a shot – reality started kicking in.
Within the first 48 hours I started noticing things. I was nauseous, dizzy, tired but couldn’t sleep, shaking so badly I couldn’t even hold my phone, my eyes couldn’t take looking at any screen, and the chest flutters were strong. I was a literal mess. There were moments of crying and then moments of calm. It was hard to navigate through many of these feelings. I kept track of my heart rate, symptoms, and what I utilized to help me in a journal.
On day nine I had been awake for over 36 hours. I was desperate for sleep but remember going to bed thinking how proud I was to be on this journey. The tossing and turning began, so with each passing hour the potential of me not sleeping became a reality. By morning I was crying all over the place saying “I can’t do this, I need sleep”. I remember my husband looking at me encouraging me to reach out for whatever resources I had to help me through it but to not give up.
The first two weeks of anxiety recovery were feeling like the hardest and finally those days were behind me. My plan to overcome this battle had become a bit more organized now. After not sleeping, I reached out for resources. I had a support system and I needed to lean into that. I started using supplements to help my body ease out of prescription medications and give it what it really needed instead. Next, I also got some acupuncture and started investing in phototherapy patches. I was using one for general mood and another for sleep consistently. Lastly, I started having faith in myself. It was hard to believe that I chose this path, but I was here and needed to tackle it. Let’s face it, I pretty much jumped out of the plane with no chute.
After I made it past the 30 day mark, my balance slowly started to return. If I didn’t mention how bad the dizziness was, holy smokes. I pretty much looked drunk all the time and tripped off of a friends sidewalk in the beginning. Dizziness was a problem for me before coming off the meds, and I was led to believe the meds could be causing that. Listen up, I was taking medication for dizziness and was told the meds could be making me WORSE from a neurologist. What the hell? Well, I’m pretty sure he was right. As time passed, the dizziness improved and I was stunned. Could I have been making myself sick this whole time? Holy shit people.
Let me break this down for you. My medication list consisted of: Xanax, Propranolol, Promethazine, Meclizine, Imitrex, and Zofran. I also had stopped Adderall 1 year prior to this. I wasn’t just taking one, there was a whole list! They are all out of my medicine drawer and out of my life now. I will say transparently that I do have Zofran as needed during that special time of the month, but other than that I rely on NOTHING on a regular basis.
Not only am I elated that I was able to give all of this up, but I feel BETTER!
Okay, let me say I’m not against people taking medications when needed, but we live in ebbs and flows. We can’t possibly need all that medication all the time. Something I took 10 years ago, I may not need now. It is always a good idea to reevaluate your circumstances to see if they match what you are taking. This path of giving up meds is not for everyone either. It should be monitored by a healthcare professional and done by tapering down doses. With consideration of my doses and my willpower, we decided I could do this cold turkey. I’m so glad that I did.
Also, I love my friends that still need to take their prescribed medications, but with that I would appreciate that same love in return for the journey I have chosen. I will also say that if anyone has been struggling long-term with multiple symptoms and a laundry list of medications, ask questions and see what other options are out there. There are so many holistic healing opportunities for anxiety recovery that are never discussed in traditional western medicine. Go into this with an open mind.
If someone told me that my symptoms would resolve after I gave up the medications, I would have never believed it. I have never felt emotions like I do now and feel so blessed to have been able to accomplish this huge goal of mine. My first reaction when we pack to go somewhere now is not freaking out about if I have all my medications and what will happen if I don’t; I’m excited to travel! Those previous feelings ruled my life and my kids noticed it.
So now what? I’m sure you are expecting some happy ending to this madness. Well, I can’t promise that part. When I was initially going through this, I thought the journey would be divided into three parts. The beginning, the middle (which would be overcoming all of the shit), and then my happy ending- how I became a free person with a life that anxiety no longer rules over. NOPE!
Anxiety will always be present in my life. I’m recovering and will continue to do so. I will be faced with situations every single day that test my ability to overcome anxiety in that moment. I will take what I have learned through my journey and apply it the best that I can. There are some days that will be a struggle, and that is okay. I have learned to lean into my resources, the people that love me, and the things that I know that will make me feel whole again.
Everyone has a story, a trauma (one day I will discuss mine), and so many obstacles they are actively trying to overcome. It is about how we want to see that play out and what avenue we choose to get there. This path worked for me, and may not work for others, but if you think it is possible to go with the path I took for anxiety recovery- I’m here to support you and cheer you on. I am here to let you know that it is possible if you go about it the right way.
Our bodies are amazing at figuring things out when we give them a chance and the tools required. Have faith in yourself and the capabilities of the body you reside in. This “part 2” of my journey in anxiety recovery is ongoing and I will continue to share triumphs and failures with you all. Everyone shares something and we are all just doing the best we can living out the cards we were dealt. Be gentle and slow to judge others in their personal decisions to overcome in a way that feels comfortable to them. Lean into support and never be ashamed to talk about your story.
